When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
