Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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