theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
