Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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