Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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