sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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