Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
