he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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