You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
