the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
