I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
