I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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