I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
