you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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