Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
