i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
