She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
