I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
