the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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