it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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