She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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