i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
