you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize