I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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