all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
