I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
