then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
