Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
