Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
