yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
