You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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