I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
