she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
