It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
