Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
