Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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