found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
