i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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