Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
