GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
