I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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