I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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