Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize