Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
how drunk are you?
Several
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
