I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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