So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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