it hurts more in the daytime
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize