Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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