At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He has the fingertips of a God
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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