So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
