He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
