In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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