from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
