I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
