what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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