His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
