i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
