you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
