Dual....:-)
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
