is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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