We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
