You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
