btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
