its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
do nipples grow back?
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