Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
