I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
