We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
