I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
