Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
