if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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