who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
