He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
