She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
