I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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