I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
