Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
