I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
